Stoga Film

The Babysitter

Reviewed by Eddie Daou

It seems like for every single good Netflix original show or film, we get 20 more awful Netflix originals with it. And “The Babysitter” is the final straw for Netflix. I’m done giving them the benefit of the doubt and letting them produce lazy, overwhelmingly terrible pieces of trash like this sorry excuse of a “film.” The first serious red flag is when the film you’re watching is directed by someone named “McG.” I honestly blame myself for not turning it off the second his name showed up. “The Babysitter” is exactly the kind of movie you’d expect some idiot who calls himself “McG” would direct. He truly is the Stanley Kubrick of directing terrible films.

 

But let’s start with the absolutely idiotic premise: a kid alone with his hot babysitter finds out that she’s... A KILLER! Or a member of a cult? Or some teenager trying to make a deal with the Devil? See, our good old friend McG decided that motivation or character development didn’t matter. Who cares about that, am I right? Let’s just have the Babysitter be evil, her friends as vaguely racist and sexist stereotypes, and have a total blast! Who could possibly hate massive plot holes, awfully written dialogue, and gaps in logic? Cause I know McG sure loves them! “The Babysitter” consistently rips off, or “homages” other, better films than it. I could do with watching a horrible movie if it wasn’t constantly reminding me of better ways to spend my time.

 

See, I’d love to delve in to how terrible the story was, and how idiotic the characters were, and not awful the dialogue was, but the more I think about this film, the more my hope for film is diminished. You’re probably wondering why I didn’t just turn the movie off after two minutes of pure torture. But you see, this film is the kind of horror that you can’t run from. There will always be these kinds of shallow, visually horrible movies being made in the horror genre. The more we support garbage like the “Paranormal Activity” and “Saw” franchises, the closer we get to only getting terrible horror films like this one.

 

Moral of this review: don’t watch a film by somebody with a stupid name like McG. All you’ll end up with is a stupid, shallow mess of a film that is, I assume, as bad as an 85-minute aneurysm. I have to give it to “The Babysitter”, though: no other film this year has made me want to give myself a lobotomy to end my suffering. Once the full-screen meme text showed up on the screen, saying nonsense like “Oh Man! He’s Got A Knife!” and “Wham!” and other cringey lines, I realized the only way that this film could exist is if it was made to destroy any hope in filmmaking. And now, I’m closing out my review, considering the fact that I can feel my brain cells depleting with every second that I spend thinking about this trash fire. Easily the worst film of 2017.

 

Anyways, Netflix announced they will be releasing 80 original films in 2018, so I hope you’re all looking forward to 3 great films and 77 disgustingly awful ones!

½